Life in a Nutshell

Forrest Gump

2006-11-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

So there I was sitting bravely on the bench at the bus stop. A cheery orange bromeliad perched on the seat next to me. My Camel Bak resting on my lap. Wait a minute, is that moisture I feel in my crotch area? Looking down, I notice a large, very large wet circle centered around the fly area of my cargo pants. I guess that mouthpiece valve on my Camel Bak wasn’t closed after all. Just as my brain is beginning to process the mental image of this rapidly developing scene, I hear the familiar screeching brakes of the number 38 FAX bus pulling up to Roosevelt High School. As panic sets in, I take a deep breath while fishing my bus pass out of my wet trouser pocket and climb awkwardly onto the bus. As I flash my soggy pass at the bus driver, I look left down the long crowded aisle. Of course the ONLY empty seats are in the very back two rows. So I begin the journey down the aisle, carefully positioning the flower pot directly in front of me, the bromeliad blossom bobbing along just in front of my belly button. As I make my way through the crowd, I silently debate whether the strategically placed flower pot is calling additional attention to my soiled pants, or eclipsing it from their view as I had intended. Eventually I found an unoccupied seat at the rear of the bus, and not surprisingly, no one sat down in the empty seat next to me. As the bus churned its way northward down Cedar Avenue the flushness slowly drained from my face. My heart rate gradually returned to normal, and suddenly as I began to realize how funny life is, an irrepressible smile enveloped my face and stayed there for the 20 minute commute to my office.

for Cory

2006-09-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Greg Boyd

2006-08-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

There was a NY Times article in the Fresno Bee last Sunday. It was about a pastor named Greg Boyd. I liked what he had to say about Jesus and Church and America. Greg has written several books but the newspaper article centered around this particular one. I think I'm gonna read it. If you know anything about the soundness of this guys theology, I'd love to hear about it.

Mr. Deeds

2006-07-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Last night Nate, Jamie and I watched the incredibly witty movie Mr. Deeds. OK unless you're 7 years old Adam Sandler may not appear that witty. But still . . .

Anyway poet laureate Adam Sandler inspired me to write this soon to be pulitzerized poem regarding my incredible wife.

Ode to Jamie - Brad Barker

Jamie likes orange dream machines
and movies with fava beans
my love you're incredible,
so I'm glad you're not edible,
cause after one meal
I'd have lost the best deal
that could be made in a prayer
though I occasionally swear
and wear torn underwear
your words always inspire me
so I hope you don't tire of me

Gelato

2006-07-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

I love it

Famous Amos - "the burden bearer"

2006-03-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday morning while driving to work I heard part of a sermon on Amos. How Amos was a shepherd/fig farmer living in a remote village, a veritable nobody of biblical proportion. How God picked this ordinary man and spoke through him to accomplish His purpose. So after hearing that sermon and reading the story myself, God has been infusing my thoughts with the story of this man. How God, at a particular point in time chooses people whom are ordinary or insignificant from the world's perspective to make an extraordinary impact today. For a while I couldn't figure out why He would not let this story leave the forefront of my waking thoughts. Finally He told me that I should look around and tell the Amoses (Ami, "Aim-eye"?) in my sphere of influence of their Amos-hood. So far I have told only one person, but if you are also one of those folks and reading this blog consider yourself informed.

The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran

2006-02-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

But if in your fear
you would seek
only love's peace
and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you
that you cover your nakedness
and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world
where you shall laugh,
but not all of your laughter,
and weep,
but not all of your tears.

Earl Palmer

2006-01-29T20:24:00.000-08:00

Great moments of great acts of sacrificial love rarely announce themselves to us with adequate lead time. Instead we stumble into the most important moments in odd places and seemingly insignificant situations. So that it is only later that we understand what happened. Courage is like that, brave people are usually ordinary people who stayed close to danger just a few seconds longer than anyone else.

Psalm 27 - Be of good courage

2006-01-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

Last night my good friend and regular prayer partner John and I met at Starbucks. As we were talking and praying together, this scripture came to mind (though I couldn't find it at the time). So my friend, be of good courage, and I'll do the same.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. 3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. 4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. 5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. 6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. 9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. 10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. 11 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. 12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. 13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

a primitive act of love

2006-01-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

"Listening is a rare happening among human beings. You cannot listen to the word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance or impressing the other, or if you are trying to decide what you are going to say when the other stops talking, or if you are debating about whether the word being spoken is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters may have their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being uttered. Listening, in other words, is a primitive act of love, in which a person gives self to another's word, making self accessible and vulnerable to that word." -William Stringfellow

Power to the People

2006-01-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

There's hardly a better way to get the new year off to a good start than by purchasing a brand new power tool. So, while my wife is enjoying a shiny new kitchen floor for the next few decades, I will be enjoying my new 12" DeWalt Double Bevel Compound Miter Saw for perhaps even longer. This is the tool that made it all possible. Thank you Jesus.

A little bit of Heaven

2005-12-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening I fell asleep on the sofa in the living room, not an uncommon occurrence for me. Last thing I remember happening before losing consciousness was hearing my own voice repeatedly calling Jesus name out loud. This phenomenon is not uncommon either, as most every day I conclude conversing with Him. The difference last night was the desperation of my plea. In any case I believe that God saw an opportunity to show me something and seized it. Gotta love that, an opportunistic father. Here's what occurred next, I had a dream of heaven. It was so very real, like when I woke up I couldn't believe I wasn't still in heaven. And let me tell you it was great. There were no buildings anywhere, everything was outdoors. The weather was sunny and warm, like a spring day. It looked a little like the Shire in LOTR. There were comfy sofas and chairs arranged all about. People were sitting around, talking, laughing and eating. Everybody seemed to be about the same age, around 25 or 30. Nobody was skinny and nobody was fat. The men were muscular and fit, the women natural and beautiful. Nearly everybody I knew was there. George was clean shaven, Cosby had a huge beard and was grinning from ear to ear. After I figured out where I was I realized that I didn't see my wife anywhere. So I'm thinking that she's still hanging out down there at Dakota House, telling all those ghetto kids about Jesus. Next thing I want to do is find Jesus, cuz you know I have a few questions that I want to get answered. So I start walking through the grass covered countryside. Soon, off in the distance I spot a small circle of furniture with two people seated in huge leather chairs. I walk towards them and notice that there is a long long line of people snaking up to the seating area. The folks in line are in a good mood though, talking, smiling and laughing. Not at all like what we see in the malls around Christmas time. I pushed my way to the front of the line so I can see what was going on up there. Guess what , that's right. Jesus, the one and only, sitting in a chair, laughing and smiling, beaming with indescribable joy. And you know who He's talking to? My wife, Jamie Marie Barker. She looks like a million dollars, as beautiful as ever. Wearing a long white dress with purple flowers in her hair. Of course Jesus doesn't notice me walking up, His attention is totally focused on Jamie. But Jamie notices, she looks over at me, tears running down her face, she smiles, nods her head, points her thumb at Jesus.

Pretty good dream.

The Griz

2005-11-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I stopped by an old friend’s house to say goodbye to him. He is terminally ill and the time that he has left here can be easily measured with the minute hand on a clock. It was perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I haven’t seen as much of Tim in the last few years as my divorce has inexplicably separated me from not only my ex-wife but my Christian friends as well. Though my faithful God has supplied me with a new crop of friends, I have been holding on to hopes that some of my previous friendships would be restored as well. Ironically, Tim Griswold is the one and only friend that has been courageously faithful to me over the years. I hope that I have been as good a friend to him as he has been to me. I will miss him, if fact I already do.

DANGER!, Will Robinson

2005-08-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

As you may already know God has been speaking some Dakota House plans into Jamie's heart for some time now. He has been carefully protecting and providing for Dakota House in the recent past. Allowing Jamie to rest in Him and hear His soft yet persistent and unmistakable voice. The enemy has been pretty cool with that. Partially because Jamie is a fierce prayer warrior herself, and she has a large group of folks including myself praying for her regularly. But also because up until now, there has been no action, just plans. Well guess what, the plans are coming to fruition. And, here's a shocker. Satan is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore. The battle is on. Attack is coming our way, full on . Mostly hitting Jamie, but also me and the most difficult thing, our marriage. So if you're reading this, please pray protection into Jamie, myself, our marriage and our kids.

Cos and effect

2005-06-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the parking lot of Trader Joe's I happened to run into Cosby. After greeting him I summoned my wife from across the parking lot. We three stood there for a few minutes chatting. Not about the weather, or how the 49ers were rebuilding this year. Real stuff, real people, REAL NICE. Hmmmmmmmm, how's that phrase go "that's what I'm talking about". Before going our separate ways, Bryan put his arms over both our shoulders and prayed a mighty prayer for us. I love that and am looking forward to building more relationships that have the same qualities. That's precisely what I'm talking about.

Power of Babel

2005-06-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Last night while on our (wish it were more regular) evening power stroll. I listened to myself talking talking talking. About nothing of importance. I constantly hear myself speak capriciously, yammering about things that just don't matter, (last night it was about the potato dish I made for dinner) but when it comes to talking about something that really does matter, something of importance, I speak carefully, perhaps even strategically. My brain works overtime, calculating, examining, evaluating, summarizing, comparing, reasoning, philosophizing. And then, finally after much deliberation, words come forth. It's as if I speak two languages. It's annoying, I don't like it, why do I do that?

Thor

2005-06-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Once in a while you find yourself in an odd situation. You get into it by degrees and in the most natural way but, when you are right in the midst of it, you are suddenly astonished and ask yourself how in the world it all came about.
-The opening lines to the book, "Kon-Tiki," by Thor Heyerdahl.

Several days ago Jamie returned from a bicycle adventure to the Fresno downtown library. While there, she purchased a well worn copy of "Kon-Tiki" which she proudly presented to me. When I was a young lad of perhaps 11 years, I checked out this same book from the library (perhaps it was even this very copy) and read it over and over. I loved it, for many years it was my favorite book, though I haven't thought about it for at least 3 decades. When I read it so very long ago I doubt that I paid much attention to the opening paragraph. This time though, those now familiar words reveal a new truth, a truth that had little importance to an otherwise fascinated 11 year old. Reading scripture is like that too, I think that God intended it to be.

BTW, Incredible wife that would intuitively pick that particular book out for me.

Stamp of Approval

2005-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to the post office here on campus to purchase some postage stamps. I was offered a selection of three styles. Disney characters, Ronald Reagan, or Dr Seuss. I snapped up the Seuss stamps without giving it much thought. But now I'm wondering if there is someone trapped inside of the USPS trying to send out a secret message. If you are that person and are reading this right now, please reroute the Publishers Clearing House winning ticket to my address. Once the check clears, I promise to come rescue you.

My dad is dying

2005-06-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

My father has Alzheimer's disease. The man who taught me nearly everything I know, is slipping away from this earthly realm. Though I treasure the fleeting moments of lucidity that he occasionally experiences, I can't seem to hold on to them for very long anymore. Mostly there is an avalanche of gloomy reality that quickly overwhelms the joy I find in our daily visits. I have had very little experience with terminal disease, but this one seems to invoke a particularly evil cruelty, not to the patient himself, but to his friends and family. I'm completely alone in this as my sisters and mother actually blame me for my fathers condition and have thus excluded me from familial participation. My wife is an incredible encourager and prayer warrior but doesn't know my dad at all (at least pre-illness). Since my mom hates (her words) my wife, it makes it emotionally and physically rather difficult for her to be around my dad. Two people I dearly love, whom, because of someone else's hate can't be near one another. Suddenly things like the holocaust become perfectly logical. So I am left all on my own mourning the loss of my father. Today as I was leaving my dad's room, he looked to make sure my mom wasn't coming around the corner and said "tell Jamie hi for me". As soon as I got back to my office I eagerly phoned my wife relaying those words to her. Her reaction, indifference. Initially hurt, I interpreted her indifference as lack of understanding or care, but upon further consideration, I know that she understands completely and cares emphatically but she too is overwhelmed.

Jamie gave me this book: Partial View Check out the introduction and the gallery. It's intense.

Maybe I'm a Mennonite

2005-06-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

After recently learning that my dear wife is a Quaker, I have been wondering if there is an organized church whose doctrine lines up with my own beliefs. Well, this may be the one. These articles summarize the Mennonite perspective on popular social issues.

Check it out: We Believe

Dinkey Creek

2005-05-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to Dinkey Creek for three days. I am taking my two favorite people with me. I have many happy memories of this place. In a sense it's the only part of my childhood that survives, though I am fearful of losing it as well.

Another Lewis

2005-05-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Although this poem has been interpreted many ways, I think he's really speaking about family life. Perhaps it's time to start handing out additional rations.

This was charming, no doubt: but they shortly found out
That the Captian they trusted so well,
Had only one notion for crossing the ocean,
And that was to tingle his bell.

He was thoughtful and grave-but the orders he gave
Were enough to bewilder a crew
When he cries "Steer to starboard, but keep her head larboard!"
What on earth was the helmsman to do?

Then the bowsprit got mixed with the rudder sometimes;
A thing, as the Bellman remarked,
That frequently happens in tropical climes,
When a vessel is, so to speak, "snarked."

But the principal failing occurred in the sailing,
And the Bellman, perplexed and distressed,
Said he HAD hoped, at least, when the wind blew due East,
That the ship would NOT travel due West!

But the danger was past-they had landed at last,
With their portmanteaus, and bags:
Yet at first the crew were not pleased with the view,
Which consisted of chasms and crags.

The Bellman perceived that their spirits were low,
And repeated in musical tone
Some jokes he had kept for a season of woe-
But the crew would do nothing but groan.

He served out some grog with a liberal hand,
And bade them sit down on the beach:
And they could not but own that their Captain looked grand,
As he stood and delivered his speech.

"Friends, Romans, and coutrymen, lend me your ears!"
(They were all of them fond of quotations:
So they drank to his health, and they gave him three cheers,
While he served out additional rations).

"We have sailed many months, we have sailed many weeks,
(Four weeks to the month you may mark),
But never as yet ('tis your Captain who speaks)
Have we caught the least glimpse of a Snark!

Lift my head

2005-05-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. -Psalm 3:3

Not sure what God is trying to tell me, but this verse has constantly been running through my head since Monday night. Stay tuned, as soon as I know I'll pass it on.

Feet to the fire

2005-05-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

"Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?" C.S. Lewis

When I encountered this quote yesterday my brain went immediately to this place of comfort and safety. One of my favorite spots in this world is sitting in a flimsy lawn chair on a cold mountain night; surrounded by friends, my tired feet propped up by the campfire ring. The campfire blazing away, warming my face, the orange light flickering on the dark forest behind me, thick pine smoke filling my nostrils and stinging my eyes. The ephemeral campfire experience, what can be better than that?

The last month or two I have been bombarded by C.S. Lewis. Every time I turn around, more C.S. Lewis wisdom heading my way. It started with Ben Patterson, then David Abdo, followed closely by Jamie Evans, last Sunday, it was the youth pastor Greg. When we saw Revenge of the Sith, they played the Chronicles of Narnia trailer beforehand. Even my prayer partner John stumbled on one the last time we met. When I am bombarded with a common theme, I need to sit up and listen because God is speaking to me.

So anyway, C.S. Lewis is no shallow slouch. And though I like my visceral interpretation of his quote, I'm wondering what Mr Lewis intended when he wrote it. Maybe C S Lewis never went to camp, maybe he's talking about an altogether different kind of fire.

Yet He knows the way I have taken;
when He has tested me, I will emerge as pure gold. -Job 23:10

Do the right thing

2005-05-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

What am I to do. Over the last few years I have been trying to jar myself out of complacency in my job. I spend a great deal of time thinking about it and talking to God about it. Sometimes I'm completely engulfed by a wave of anxiety crashing over me, twisting me around and sucking me under.

Here are the pertinent facts:

1. Some things I can do well.
2. Some things I like to do.
3. Some things I do earn money.
4. Some things I do glorify God and advance his kingdom.

I have what many would consider a dream job. I get paid well, the two people that I work closest with are good guys, I have a great deal of flexibility, great benefits, good retirement, access to lots of cool technology, very little travel, I can ride my bike to work, liberal vacation, you get the picture. But what I actually do, the thing that I spend most of my waking hours doing, doesn't flippin matter in the big scheme of things. I do it well, I earn a paycheck, sometimes I even enjoy what I am doing, but in the big picture, the number 4 stuff, nada.

Last Monday night was quite fulfilling for me. I spent an evening teaching 12 young boys about backpacking. Why one stove is better than the next, how to use a map and compass, how a GPS works, you get the picture. I received lots of positive feedback both from the kids and the parents. Most of all I enjoyed myself immensely. Due to an unfortunate series of events this week, I have not yet had the opportunity to tell anybody about it yet. Just after the stoves had cooled off and I was packing up my gear to go I was overcome with euphoria. I enjoyed that experience tremendously. The kids loved it, the parents loved it, I loved it. I let myself daydream for a few minutes imagining that I could do that sort of thing 'full time' instead of the office grind. That would be sweeeet.

My wife has a great job. She makes exactly enough money to meet her needs. Whatever her paycheck doesn't buy, God provides, without exception, no worries, done deal, end of story. In fact, God provides her paycheck too, but my point is that she doesn't worry about it. Her faith is innate to her character, God sustains her, it's who she is, nothing more, nothing less. She is incredible, I admire that trait in her. I'm not after her job, but I wouldn't mind a bit of her character rubbing off on me. Maybe it isn't my job that's the problem, it's me.

Stuntman

2005-04-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever concentrated so hard on getting one thing right, finally achieving it, only to find out that while you were perfecting that one move, you missed a freight train sized load of other things that also needed your attention? It happens to me a lot, especially when I'm playing chess. Check this out.

a bicycle built 4 2

2005-04-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

I'm half crazy, All for the love of you!

Today, my beautiful wife and I took a ride around this fair city on our tandem. It was our first ride of the year and I can't imagine a more spectacular day. We pedaled, talked, stopped, visited, shopped, ate, pedaled some more, and I altogether enjoyed her company. Looking forward to doing more of the same for the next hundred years or so. Wow Jesus, you are so good to me.

Out of Gas

2005-03-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

Today Jamie called me to say that she had run out of gas while driving Nate and Emily to school. I drove back home to get the gas can, drove to the filling station, filled up the can, and then drove down 41 to rescue her. The whole time on my cell phone trying to fix computer problem cropping up at the office. Naturally there was a 3-mile long freight train impeding my progress, several busy school crosswalks slowing my driving, my credit card malfunctioning at the gas station, and on and on. All standing between me and my stranded wife. Then of course there is the riotous mass of humanity waiting to strangle me once I finally did arrive here at my office. In any case, while all that was going on; the clock was ticking away precious seconds of a day that is already about 10 hours too short. Now I am out of time. It seems like I am always out of that, even before the the day officially starts. When Jamie and I were first getting acquainted with each other we would write back and forth to each other often using a list to communicate ideas or other information. Today I shall begin to list all the things that I am commonly out of. Feel free to augment.

Out of gas
out of milk
out of context
out of breath
out of ideas
Out of time
Out of patience
out of the ordinary
Out of my mind
Out of Africa
Out of luck
out of sight
out of focus
out of this world
out of print
out of the past
out of the box
out of school
out of control
Out of energy
Out of service

Easter Sunday

2005-03-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

Another Easter Sunday under my belt. I can look back 40+ years now and see myself. Plucking eggs from my folks garden as a toddler, doing the same at my grandparents homes (on alternate years). Marching down the center isle at church waving palm branches, watching my own children do the same. Helping Dad find the exact right picnic spot; not too sunny not to shady, a place for the BBQ, nice view. Not too crowded, not too long of a drive. . . Attending sunrise services, giant orchestrated musicals, small churches, big churches. Candy, gifts, flowers. Sometimes no church at all, riding a century or running a 10K. It's kind of interesting to me that nearly all of my Easter memories have nothing to do with Jesus triumphant victory on the cross. That whole resurrection thing has a pretty big impact on the rest of my days you know. Lots of Church, lots of food, even more of family. Not so much of Jesus. I think that this needs to change.

Good Friday

2005-03-25T12:28:00.000-08:00

Today I am wondering how I will get all the things done that need to get done before Easter. Initially I was interested in attending a Good Friday service at noon today. But later thought better of it. Am already trying to cram too many things into my waking hours. Problems to solve at the office, visit dad at the Alzheimers home, purchase some dittys for the kids, tax preperation, yard work, BBQ this evening, fix broken window, blah, blah, blah.

I have this mantra continually addressing me. There's ALWAYS more that needs to be done. And if I do 'finish' something, I always question whether I've done a good job. Last week with Jamie's help we refinished the hardwood floor in the living room at Dakota House. It looks pretty good, but it would look a lot better if I had taken more time. . .

Any adult with a functioning brain can see that there are more things that need doing than there are folks to do them. See Luke 10:2. Ahh, but then I remember. We're not supposed to do it all, just what He has asked of us. Remember this bumper sticker:
OK Jesus, now you have my attention. I'm listening.

One night with the King (Check this out)

2005-03-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

Life, In a nutshell

2005-03-25T10:17:00.000-08:00