Do the right thing

What am I to do. Over the last few years I have been trying to jar myself out of complacency in my job. I spend a great deal of time thinking about it and talking to God about it. Sometimes I'm completely engulfed by a wave of anxiety crashing over me, twisting me around and sucking me under.

Here are the pertinent facts:

1. Some things I can do well.
2. Some things I like to do.
3. Some things I do earn money.
4. Some things I do glorify God and advance his kingdom.

I have what many would consider a dream job. I get paid well, the two people that I work closest with are good guys, I have a great deal of flexibility, great benefits, good retirement, access to lots of cool technology, very little travel, I can ride my bike to work, liberal vacation, you get the picture. But what I actually do, the thing that I spend most of my waking hours doing, doesn't flippin matter in the big scheme of things. I do it well, I earn a paycheck, sometimes I even enjoy what I am doing, but in the big picture, the number 4 stuff, nada.

Last Monday night was quite fulfilling for me. I spent an evening teaching 12 young boys about backpacking. Why one stove is better than the next, how to use a map and compass, how a GPS works, you get the picture. I received lots of positive feedback both from the kids and the parents. Most of all I enjoyed myself immensely. Due to an unfortunate series of events this week, I have not yet had the opportunity to tell anybody about it yet. Just after the stoves had cooled off and I was packing up my gear to go I was overcome with euphoria. I enjoyed that experience tremendously. The kids loved it, the parents loved it, I loved it. I let myself daydream for a few minutes imagining that I could do that sort of thing 'full time' instead of the office grind. That would be sweeeet.

My wife has a great job. She makes exactly enough money to meet her needs. Whatever her paycheck doesn't buy, God provides, without exception, no worries, done deal, end of story. In fact, God provides her paycheck too, but my point is that she doesn't worry about it. Her faith is innate to her character, God sustains her, it's who she is, nothing more, nothing less. She is incredible, I admire that trait in her. I'm not after her job, but I wouldn't mind a bit of her character rubbing off on me. Maybe it isn't my job that's the problem, it's me.